Reasons to being Apart

Reasons to being apart.

It was a sudden decision made, on some random days during my practical training at one Islamic School in Japan.

I had all the plans on what to do after grad, where to apply jobs, where to stay during Hachi's studies (Obviously I planned to stay in Malaysia, I love the country), and what to achieve during those. My plan sounded perfect, because why not, I will always be together with Hachi and he will always be with his daughter.

But fate has always brought us apart. I mean... physically yes.

Allah's plans have always been unpredictable, but the best of all of course.

Everything changed after the intern.

During my intern at Islamic School in Japan, in where majority of the students are Japanese, I had seen the students bright and dark sides. (I mean obviously human being, we have all those). It was strange that, day by day that feeling I carried was just getting stronger.

Something was telling me that I should not leave them (the students) this way. It would be irresponsible and cruel of me as one who have ever been on the same shoes. Something was telling me that, these children need understanding and strong confidence to build their faith.

I was them once upon a time.

Being raised in a school where none was a Muslim. A country where bully was a frequent case in the school. Tolerance, respect and care for strangers are taught, but not to a family, teacher or self. Expectation of discipline is too high that children are expected to be matured at least more than 5 years of their ages. (3 years old child is expected to do what 8 years do and those). Perfection is what is the best, when one is unable to achieve, big disappointments leading to depression and suicide is the only solution left for them who do not believe in faith. "Stress-Society" is perhaps the best words to describe where I was raised.

Not knowing what my future holds.

Doubting on beliefs.

At some points, I was perhaps very close to a depression.

Islamic Environment I experienced during high school was what had rescued myself. Thinking about it makes even more seeing the old-self when seeing some of  the children at school who were hopeless in beliefs.

But all and all, I was in dilemma of leaving Hachi in Malaysia. In the end of the day, my paradise lies within his sincerity. We had some discussions on this matter, but never once I told him directly of my intention/willingness to continue staying in Japan.

Hachi, knowing myself, knew deep inside my heart, as much as I hesitate to be apart from him, I could not leave the children this way..Like.. I really cannot.

Day and night, my mind was very occupied thinking what could I do to give them a hand of help. Worries and doubts whether I could even be a help. On the other note, there was me who wakes up every morning being excited and all to meet the students at school. There was me who enjoyed working very much.

Hachi has always motivated me to chase after my dream. "If what you are doing is for Allah, you shall continue."

That sentence has forever erased my dilemmas I carried. He has always been the best supporters I could ever ask for, and I am forever in dept to all the sacrifice he has contributed. What is more, being away from his 1.5 year little girl has sure been difficult for him.

Allah bless you honey. We miss you every single day.

 Picture taken 3 years ago.