A Different Goodbye

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-Written on 26th August 2018-

When anniversary is supposed to be sweet, my husband and I never really spent a time together. (Except for last year where we spent our anniversary together, for the first time.)

Some may know, I have been apart from him for a good 2 months. How does it feel? Honestly speaking it is that feeling that has never been easy no matter how many times you've gone through . That goodbye that has never once been a good one for me.

Today was extra. He visited us to Japan for 5 days and today was the last day. We decided to leave Amyna home, since she has been out from morning till night in the past few days. Also, the fact that his flight was at night, we thought it would not be a smart choice to bring her along.

When the time of leaving home came, I could see tears deep in his eyes. He kissed Amyna many times. My heart aches. I was keeping my tears. 

Sad? Yes of course. But deep inside, we know this must be the best for us, if Allah has decided so.

Through the journey to the airport, I was holding his hands. As tight as my heart feels. Yea he is leaving in less than 3 hours. How many times have I wished so that time would stop at least for another day. Or another hour would do. 

"Thank you honey, for visiting us." I said before he was going to the gates. 

I know we will meet again after 2 weeks. Probably we will be able to spend 1-2 weeks together. But what about next? Nobody knows.

Let it be 3 days or 3 months. I have been apart with him so many times. But it has never been easy. I tell you, this is something I have not been able to get used to. And this time, the feeling is extra, because we have not experienced that goodbye for a good 2 years. What is more, not knowing the next hello.

After finished sending him off, I was alone throughout the way home. It was 11.30pm. The dark night it self was enough to describe myself.

But life will keep going. Tomorrow will still come anyway. So..
Tomorrow, promise, I will get that positive vibes back. Allow me to be sad now.

I hope, I am always in his heart as he is always in mine. :)




Picture taken in Kawaguchi Lake, during our last family trip before he leaves.
Seen in the back is Mt fuji.

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